I’m Growing Up…

.. but into what?  Anyway – I’m not really growing up – but I did learn to shave last weekend.  I did it all by myself, and drunk, and didn’t even die once.

To clarify – I recently decided that I wasn’t enough of a wanker, what with recent purchases of an “eReader”, a water purifying jug, rowing machines, sweatbands, playing cards made of metal, etc, etc.  So – the obvious clincher on the deal would be to start shaving using an old-school razor.  My first thought was a straight-edge (cut-throat) razor, but after some research – I figured it was too much work.  Honing the blade before every shave?  Not for me.  And the straight-edge razors which use razor blades – all just looked nasty.  So – the compromise was reached, and I ordered an over-priced double-edge safety razor.  Turns out it’s pretty much hand-made by a New Zealand chap.  And a pretty wee thing it is.  Also got myself a decent badger-hair shaving brush, and some shaving soap.  And set aside the weekend in order to learn to shave – so that all the cuts/etc would hopefully have some time to heal before Monday.  Of course – I needed to make things a little more interesting – so I hadn’t shaved for a couple of weeks.  And, had a bath and bottle of wine beforehand.  So – all ready to start shaving with a brand new razor blade – not really knowing what I’m doing, slightly drunk and light-headed from wine and heat, and with a bit of a beard to make it much more difficult in judging razor-blade-to-skin angle/distance.  And net result ended up being – not a single instance of me trying to hold in a gushing jugular.  In fact – not a single slash, cut, or even nick.  Success.

Of course – this euphoric cloud of success had a dark lining.  To be honest – I was a little disappointed.  I had carefully planned out my first attempt, fully expecting a nicely lacerated face.  So – I had another go on Sunday.  This time – 2 bottles of wine at the pub beforehand.  Come home – run a bath again, sit there in a sauna drinking another bottle of wine – and let’s see how safe I can be with another brand-new blade right on my throat after three bottles of wine?  Yet, once again, a disappointing lack of injury.  But – a very nice smooth shave.  To all and sundry – I fully recommend throwing away all your 3, 4, or 5 blade fusions and super-vibrating mach9s, etc – and going old-school.  Of course – I’m forced now to get a cut-throat razor, as a last ditch attempt to cut up this pretty face.  But I might wait a while – until my next bout of not-having-bought-anything-wanky-recently.

So – a lengthy babble about shaving.  To follow that up – I’ve had a couple of decent midweek binge-drinks with workmates over the last couple of weeks.  And got 300 or so photos printed off – spanning the last 12 or so years.

And therefore the plan for this weekend is: hang up 350 photos or so in some kind of wall montage; get a haircut; restock my wine ‘cellar’; drink a heap of champagne (haven’t had the chance to celebrate the birth of twins Kadin Jason & Kruze Ken as yet, so this weekend – the bubbles will be a-flowin’); hopefully have some kind of Final-Sunday-Of-The-Month Lunch; and maybe start looking at upcoming gigs once more (for now – I have tickets to see Flaming Lips, Portishead, PJ Harvey, Grinderman, MF Doom… July is gonna be a good month).

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>