So now I’m thirty-something. But, I will NEVER be ‘A Thirty-Something’. I’ll wait until I’m forty before I start talking about my house renovations, and how little Suze and/or Cruz are this much ahead of their age average at such-and-such, and how much I love the new line from some goddamn furniture store.

Anyway – it’s been a while since Paddy’s Day. Since then, I’ve been housesitting, pretty much. And didn’t realise I’d been given the wrong keys until Dom&Caro were long gone. So, I resigned myself to not leaving the house for a week. Big change, right? Luckily I’d been given the thumbs up to the well-stocked liquor cabinet, and a couple of trays of beer. And a cat to keep me company. The main problem was going to be if I was offered a job interview. I tried to figure out a way of leaving the house without leaving it unlocked – but couldn’t. I had the key for the back door – but the back yard fence was topped with some daunting barbed wire. Closest I got was possibly asking Pen to take time off work to sit in the house while I was out. Which I actually did on the second night, while I went grocery shopping. And while I was gone, she found some keys that were the right ones. My own search had been shown up as piss-poor. But, now I had the ability to go out’n’about. Unfortunately, I’d already accepted my fate as being trapped indoors – and despite being given the key to outside (so to speak), I did not take the offer. So, a week of television, beer, and a friendly cat. During which I turned thirty-something. And celebrated by eating left-overs for breakfast and lunch, drinking beer, and making a lancashire hotpot with NZ lamb chops.

And then Saturday came, so I fed the cat his daily due, and came home – in order to serve bloody marys to people during an afternoon-tea type ‘do’ for Pen’s birthday. (She’s now thirty, wrinkly, forgetful, has blue-rinse hair, and has put her hip out three times already. Did I mention incontinent?) So – a full day of bloody marys, wine, snacks, etc. Justin educated us all on Hannibal of Carthage, I did my spiel on scientology, and Pen got drunk enough to think that giving our bedroom to everybody else would be a good idea so that we could stay up all night watching action movies. I talked her out of that.

And now it is today. A fairly large mission to clean up the place, considering it was supposed to be a civilised tea-party. And now that is done, I’ve got myself a bottle of slightly-delicious “slightly sparkling perry”. Named Lambrini, with 7.5% booze. And considering watching some 70’s B-grade action, starring David Carradine & Sylvester Stallone. Before it gets ruined in a 2008 remake starring Jason stinkin’ Statham.

Oh – and I’ve decided that a birthday is the proper time to make new year slightly-resolutions. A slightly resolution is a resolution which isn’t statutory – but merely “try to do more of”. Mine for this year:

– go commando

– drink water

– eat breakfast

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